|
| That's the title only because it was there. Eh.
Drama is a headache. I wish to avoid it from now on. Ugh.
I'm getting along well with my biological mom(I'm not sure why I don't say birth mom, but it just doesn't feel right). While we don't really look alike, we are alike personality-wise. It's pretty neat. And James, my biological brother, is definitely a Mull. I never realized until I met him that the Mull's really do have a very distinct look. All of us Mull kids(including my cousins) look a lot alike. Strong genes there!
School is almost done for the summer! I am excited. I need a break...woo. Thankfully, I'm done with math classes after this. :)
This entry has no real point(as evidenced by the title).
| | |
| I found my biological brother and mother this week.
Most people who know me know I come from a slightly mixed family. My dad and Roxanne(my birth mother) were never married. They had me, were on and off, then 5 years later, my brother James was born. By the time he was born, they had broken up again, and for good. My dad was going to marry his new girlfriend, and she ended up adopting me(and my dad adopted her son, which, by the way, he's only a week younger than James). Since I had always lived with my dad, he kept me, she took James, and I hadn't seen or heard from them since I was six.
So one day last week, I was insanely bored, and decided to try to find random people on Facebook. I decided to try my brother's name for the hell of it - I'd been trying to find him and Roxanne since I was 13. I didn't really expect to find anything, but then a profile for him popped up. It said he lived in Belding, and was in high school. I knew they had lived in Belding at one point, so I figured I had nothing to lose by asking. And holy shit, I found my brother - and by extension my mother.
It was pretty exciting! I had found them, finally. And to my great relief, they were happy I had. I think one of my biggest fears had been that I would find them and they would want nothing to do with me. I emailed James my phone number, and he called me. I talked to the brother I hadn't seen since he was a month old(he's seventeen now). He told me fantastic news - that roxanne was eager to talk to me, she had even tried to set up a Facebook - but she didn't really understand how to use the internet. Heh. So I got her number from him, called her up, and...
I saw her for the first time in 16 years last night. It was actually really neat - and I learned who I got my motormouth from! I learned all about my older half-brother Raymond(holy crap, I'm an aunt!), about her husband Mike, and of course, James. They're both genuinely excited.
According to Roxanne(this is the part where things get iffy for me), she's been trying to contact me since my parents broke up. She says my parents would always make excuses why we couldn't meet - "well, she just started new meds", "she's still adjusting to Heather[the mom who raised me]" "We're going away..." All these things really did happen, which makes me believe her. But all my life, my parents have told me she made no effort to see me, and why should I be trying to find her? I mean, they made a BIG point of this. So obviously I find that a bit grating. Someone has been lying to me, and I'm not a fan of that. However, I'm a big believer of letting the past go, so this isn't something I'll bring up with my parents. It hardly matters now, and I know my parents did what they thought was best for me(however misguided it was).
Obviously, I learned a lot last night, and I am glad it happened. I'm also relieved that they actually wanted to meet me. Which brings me to the next "iffy" part of this whole saga. My dad.
(I edited some of this next paragraph. Thought I should let ya know. Honesty is a virtue, eh?)
If I'm to believe what I was told(and I'm inclined to, since most of it rings true to my ears, and I can always check with my aunt Kathy), the shine is off the apple a bit when it comes to my dad. I love my dad wholeheartedly. But I learned some things about him that I think I would have been happier not knowing. Does it change my opinion of him? Not really. But I was disappointed to hear of it. Then again - we all make mistakes when we are young(everyone knows I have :) ), as Roxanne herself was quick to point out. And one thing I absolutely loved about her was that she seemed to have no problem admitting her past mistakes, and even current ones.
My mom(don't get confused. When I say "mom", I'm referring to Heather, the mom who raised me. I refer to Roxanne as my biological mom or by her name. That should help to keep my jumble of a family straight).
I'll start that sentence over. My mom knows I found James, and she knows I found Roxanne. My mother and I have become a lot close over the years, and I was very comfortable telling her. I've not told my dad. He's kind of hard to read emotionally, and it's even harder to guess his reactions. I'll let my mom have that job. Who knows? He may be excited. Or he may feel I've meddled in stuff that's not my business(which isn't true, but he may feel that way). So I'm staying out of that.
I use way to many (parenthesis). I apologize. but I have lots of asides to add. Heh. Usually I go back and edit most of them out, but I'm feeling super-duper lazy today.
Have a wonderful day! Oy oy oy!
(I like to "oy!")
| | |
| What kind of person chooses a guy they've known four months over their friends and family?
This is the question I've been pondering recently. I have a friend, who I constantly stick up for, because for some odd reason I love the girl. But that feeling of goodwill is starting to ebb fast.
She's dating a jerk. The guy will admit he's a jerk. He has called her a whore, slut, bitch, and accused her of cheating on him in the past two weeks. He has a major drinking problem, and gets loud, violent, and obnoxious at such times. Rather than kick him to the curb, she stays with him. I have seen Butthead(my personal nickname for him) shove his own mother, and he's threatened me with physical violence(it seems to be his solution to everything. I've asked her; "How long until it's you he threatens?). He is constantly putting everyone around him down, saying the cruelest things he can think of. Still, my supposed friend sees more worth in him than her mother and daughter or me.
What would drive a person to such a decision? I've searched my mind. I would say fear of being alone, but she will vehemently deny that's the reason. it's because she loves him, she says.
The outcome of this? I feel I've lost a friend. Every time I've been with this girl, I've seen her make questionable choices, and every time I looked past them for her sake. I tried so hard to be the best friend I could possibly be, and to be a good example, as she hasn't been making good choices. I am constantly defending this girl to my family, friends, everyone I know, and I think the time has come to give up, walk away. Treat it the same as my ex-husband - you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.
This decision pains me. But I refuse to be dragged down to their level. I think this is the end. I don't want to be around these kinds of people, and I refuse to be any longer(especially Butthead).
(This entry was purposefully vague. It's not my job to air dirty laundry)
| | |
| I have retarded friends...Actually, not friends. Acquaintances. My acquaintances are retarded.
You would think I would learn. And I still have hope that someday I will. But for now, my desperate need to not be alone leads me to spend time with idiots. Two nights in a row, no less. After I swore I wouldn't again after the first night. My lack of resolve is a bit troubling.
But, on the upside, two mildly crappy nights can lead to soul-searching! Why do I subject myself to being with people that I can't stand? I think the answer is threefold.
1. I am bored out of my mind, and need entertainment, of any kind, good or bad.
2. I hate being by myself.
3. Being around certain types of people make me feel better about myself.
So then, of course, one has to weigh the options. Is it better to have a retarded-drama filled, cops-called-at-3-am night than a lonely one? Reasonable, mature Stephanie says no... bored Stephanie says yes. On one hand, I end up with some pretty interesting stories to tell, and I usually look pretty good in these stories, as I'm the only one not acting irresponsible. On the other hand, I look stupid for associating with such people.
In the end, it's a draw. At the least, I'm entertained. The worst case scenario, I'm annoyed. I may end up bitching people out for acting like two-year-olds(which, I've found, pisses people off, even if it's true). I usually laugh a lot, if not at an action or joke, at something incredibly dumb that someone actually believes.
And on the good side, at least I can try to ensure that no one gets killed!
(this was really a pointless entry. But, on topic, I'm bored! This keeps me away from the unhealthy associates. See, the internet is good! Yay for internet! ........yeah).
| | |
|
